Will be here: http://urbanwayfarers.blogspot.com/

But I might also cross-post here. Depends on how active I feel.

My god, some sun, sleep and heli-skiing out west and I feel like I've been born again. So that's good. Lots of unsettling things in the air at the moment, but they will resolve themselves.

This journal has run its course (softly slowly glide into station) and probably won't be updated again. Turn the page! Over the summer, or sometime else, I'll probably do something else (not a blog - what an ugly word, I refuse on aesthetic grounds) but something...furthur!

story of my past week: pseudo study for exam on tuesday, go hang out (smoke/drink) with Wes friends/senior friends/sophmore and freshman friends, come back to my room 3am, reading a bit from Kafka on the Shore, pass out in bed, wake up ~noon. hanging out with Wes friends, as I mentioned, was really a breath of fresh air and I've been feeling good since.

Just went back to Wes for a night, met with two of my closest wes-friends just coming back from terms abroad. Hadn't seen them for 9months and it was wonderful to catch up. Next day we came up to Boston, had an adventure and went to the Boston Acquarium (two stops away from Wonderland station). Everything worked out perfectly - they gave me perspective/excitement that saved me from the indecision/introspectiveparalysis that I was slipping into. Made decisions, realized how unimportant they are. Ended evening with brief chill session in my room, before that drinks at Tommy Doyle's before that a walk around freedom trail in dusk, before that acquarium (jelly fish! mammoth tank! so many new and exciting things! horseradishcrabs!) and a train ride to get there (Hoppy! Scorpion and lollipops off ground, bookstore!). Later this evening, I managed my first (hugely stressful) layout all by myself for THC.

I wish I were on the road having adventures because then you don't dwell on yourself.

stupid quiz from seb

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probably blowback from this weekend, but v happy for no reason. Sitting in my room practicing guitar - pale blue electric, mimicking these british punk bands alalala

okay now, grooving to iron+wine, but was flipping out less than 12 hours ago. Took too much caffeinne (pills+coffee) after not sleeping for three days because I had a 30 page term paper (as in, whole grade) that I hadn't started researching. Of course, instead of doing something theoretical or bulshit discursive I took up an econometrics-topic, yeah, sure, teach myself it can't be that hard there's this program called stata. By midnight yesterday I was flying off the wall because I had 7 pages of drek and no idea what the fuck I was doing. I had ideas here there but couldn't make them do anything, so I sat there infront of my computer gnawing my fingers flipping out CAN'T MAKE NUMBERS WORK CAN"T WRITE TWICTH thinking now I've done it, a bridge too far indeed. Nervous fear panic + pharms wahoo. Never did manage to make the program do what I wanted it to do, but just made up numbers, fudged margins and suddenly this morning circa 10:50 everything slipped into place and the ideas that I couldn't get my head around a few hours ago (had bashed wall because it wasn't making sense what was I trying think of) were actually really good ideas. Then, of course, I learned that it was due at noon not 5pm, so crash landing but made it in - albeit in pieces (mentally, physically). Shower + IronWine and now doing better. Haven't eaten in hours.

going to write something about simulacrum + simlulations sometime, but not in a spirit-numbingly analytical way like my dear friend Seb (I refuse to call you paulhope)

I am manic/depressive, but not in a clinical sense.

CSNY, love the one your with.

Freshman year seems SO far away. Unimaginably distant. Andover reunion a few days (two?) ago. Felt actually closer than freshman year - I was more my current self at andover than at wes?

Just some random entries from the last few days. Overall, dublin was good (not great) fun and disappointing debate-wise. Still happy I went, and optimistic about next year

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Leaving for Ireland in a couple hours - dork out at Debate World Championships. Should actually be fun - a few good friends are going, and just being in dublin over New Years with hundreds of college students mostly from non-US-world should be exciting.

Books I am taking: Kafka on the Shore, Simulations and Simulacrum, Rosencratz and Guildenstern are Dead

[update: actually posted from Shannon airport while during layover en route to Dublin. Flight was utterly unremarkable.]

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I'm not a fan of christmas spirit et all - I could never stand christmas carols, songs, etc - but I enjoy spending time with family and have assembled what is, to my mind, a clever collection of gifts (a book, a sweatshirt+cd, a scar+folk concert tix, and a PC game). So all is well in that department.

Dad and I went skiing this morning. Got cut short when he cracked a rib taking a tumble in moguls...my guess is that (with the aid of painkillers) he'll be back out tomorrow. I'm obsessive and get wrapped up in things, but only a pale shadow. And I certainly got my inhibitions about making use of modern medicine from him.

Other news, spent the past three days up in Sunday River with old (pre-andover) friends. Got drunk together for the first time - swapped stories, gossiped about hometown people, had some laughing and some crying (and a touch of vomiting - not by me), made up drinking games, drunk dialled (series of awkward/bad conversations - in my case, this was a first and I was goaded into it). Had a generally great time - not crazy exciting but enjoyable and relaxed.

I wAS IN paris waiting for Franze ferdinand to go on. Just had a tres bien evening with my old pre-high school friends. We had never gotten drunk together and it was both enlightening and intersting. Some embarassing moments, but hat is par for course. Also may ahve made some realizations about whom I shoudb e ealsking out when ack on ecmapsu

Friend Hal Parker wrote a damn good article: "Old Europe, Astral America".
http://www.nassauweekly.com/view_article.php?id=408

Just thought I'd share.

Keyboards killed in college: 2
Probable Cause of Death: grapefruit juice and vodka; coffee
Spent last two days (alternating) writing final exam research paper and drinking in the course of grand elections for the Crimson (when we induct new members).
# of compers who failed to survive until the end of election: 1
Who was his comp tutor: Me
Extracurriculars: Decisively thrown my lot in with The Crimson over Debate, just people people are more interesting on Plympton Street
Plans next couple days: Winthrop Formal tonight; ski with home town friends 22nd, 23rd, leave for ireland 27th, return 4rth.
Can't stop listening to: French Kicks

okay, starting to get cavalier with writing skill: semi-consistently writing papers somehow inebriated. Ce n'est pas bon, mais...make choices because I'm unwilling to sacrifice limited opportunities to hang out, and , knowing that academics can probably fly on one wing, there are simply put more interesting things to do.

Ach. It ASTONISHS me that people can't tell when I am interested in a girl. What does that say about me? Actually had conversations with people about how they are interested in the particular girl, but of course say nothing. Oh so high school. Should be over this by, but ah this water these words what can they do what can they do prince?

mind is going about 5 million miles an hour right now.

Ian and I couldn't be more different and more similar in attitude. I'm an intellectual he's a skirt chaser and we both want adventure diversity of experiences.

WORK

I wonder, how self aware are Radiohead about the tripiness of their music/lyrics?

okay, so I've been awake for a while. Somewhere north of 40 hours. Not tired yet - wonder of modern medicine. (harderbetterfaster)

Scrolling down my LJ made me feel pretty lame. I think that this journal has gotten distinctly mope-ish. sub optimal.

Anyway, making a third effort, I'll describe weekend:
won the Assoc. Editor position for the Crimson. Responsible for OpEds for all of next year, and layout of page once a week. Heart sank upon getting the phone call - distinctly uncertain about whether or not I want to do this. Funny to traipse into a position half-heartedly amidst a fairly furious competition (17 ambitious harvard students, 3 spots)...I supose I tend to assume that I would get it and was already anxious about what would happen
Went to Harvard Yale. Not great time. Friday night was spent looking for parties. Found parties saturday at the tailgate, but that's when I realized that the entire fucking campus was there and I knew almost no one - a tremendous sense of vertigo because you go through the crowd expecting/demanding/wanting to see someone you recognize then anomie. So, left for Wesleyan were I sadly enough still feel a sense of community etc. and had a pretty good time. A certain degree of 'third-wheel-ness' is inevitable, and a sense of regret about what could have been, but nevertheless good time.
Then Research paper. 24hours writing working etc.A couple ingenious ideas - thesis mayhap? We'll see if they still look as good in the morning.
Then Harvard Debate fundraising. I might pull off something cool there, but we'll see. Totally unexpected burst of enthusiasm and energy and I've carried away myself into a pretty ambitious project.

personal insight/understanding just undermines functioning. I only delve into my self when I have too much time on my hands. You can't be unhappy if you are busy. Also, I basically understand what I'm missing here: broad sense of community and a narrower personal relationship. Oh so simple. Clever ain't wise.

Spent yesterday afternoon chatting with NYT's top political reporter (adam nagourney), bob (boring as fuck) graham and former congressman martin frost. Upside of protestant work ethic at harvard - there's lots to see/do, because of everyone's constant striving.

Zach is probably withdrawing on medical leave because he caught whooping cough and fell behind in classwork. This wil be very eerie. I can't imagine Harvard without him around - I mean, I spent at least an hour every day with him.

funny how magnificently inadequate I almost always feel when having momentus or emotionally charged conversations.